Break-ups’ anatomy : Survival guide

Having a broken heart is probably one of the toughest things to deal with in this world. But pain isn’t the only thing we can expect when we get our hearts broken, sometimes good things happen, such as you may find a talent or a desire to take an hobby to fill the gap that was left after the breakup.

Sometimes it’s very difficult moving on, but it’s not impossible. We all have heard the saying: “What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger”, which is true. When you’ve hit rock bottom and you’ve made it through that tough period, you will encounter a stage which you will find very few things that can make you feel scared.

But if you find yourself struggling to bounce back from a breakup, just go easy on yourself. Remember, it’s almost as losing a loved on. Breakups are events that bring very deep emotions that can include grief, which is perfectly normal. Give yourself plenty of time to grieve to really get over this stage. Knowing what to expect from a breakup can speed up the recovery process by making it easier to ask for help when needed and also reminding you to be gentle with your being.

One thing i haven’t mentioned in any of the previous posts is that if you find yourself stuck in anxiety, anger or depression following a breakup, it’s very important to seek professional help. Many times, a professional perspective or opinion is what we need to point us in a new and healthier direction.

• DENIAL

When denial comes in, our heart rather than our head rules our belief system as we try . to adjust to the idea of life without the person we’ve lost. Even though we acknowledge the relationship as finished, we really don’t believe it, and we hope that a reunion will be possible even if by a “miracle”.

Just snap out of it; don’t lose yourself in the process of loving someone else too much. I know how much it hurts giving someone the best of you and watching them choose someone else. This is also the stage when it is common to call, email, text or even Facebook stalk in an effort to put any loss feelings on hold.

• ANGER 

Anger be felt in many different ways: Anger at your ex, anger at god or the universe, anger at people or situations associated with the breakup or even anger at yourself. I can’t even count how many times i manifested anger towards myself. This is the stage when we start thinking how great it is to tell everyone what a psycho maniac chick our ex was. You may find yourself burning pictures of her and both, throwing her gifts away, etc. It’s important that you do a lot of self-talk during this stage, after all you don’t want to regret anything later (like i did); think before you act and really stress: “Does it really matter now, that it’s over?”

• BARGAINING 

This stage is mostly about getting your ex back; you start thinking about every possible way you can to make the relationship work, whether through negotiation, threats and even magic or miracles. Now think, is it really just about getting your ex back? Or is it that you are trying to absolve your own guilt IF you did something wrong that caused the breakup. Because you are so desperate to negotiate with yourself or your ex, you may go to extreme measures to make deals or become something else, or even self-harming just to expect the other part to feel sorry for us. Sorry for being too honest, it’s not going to work, they aren’t the person you felt in love with it.

• DEPRESSION 

Just like anger, depression has many levels in many different ways, for example feeling very tired most of the time, not wanting to leave bed, feeling disconnected from people even when they are present and being sensitive and crying most of the time, insomnia, losing appetite easily or overeating, use of alcohol and drugs and a sense of hopelessness (you will never move on and that nothing will ever work for you in the future)

Depression is the stage when you start asking yourself such questions as:

Am I not good enough? Am I not good looking?

When you start asking yourself these questions that is the day you will start losing yourself and that is very dangerous.

You realise the magnitude of your loss in this stage of grief, and it can feel all too overwhelming.

• ACCEPTANCE 

This is when you start being able to accept yourself and make peace with the loss. It doesn’t always come on easily or suddenly; it happens gradually, little bit by little bit every day. Acceptance is always about making peace with yourself, letting go of the relationship and slowly moving forward with your life. Sometimes it may seem like this stage will never come, which usually indicates a struggle in an earlier stage. You come to acknowledge what’s the meaning of the past and what the future can hold. But don’t be surprised if you feel moments of sadness once in awhile. It’s normal, but keep on with your positive path!

So there you go. Grief is like digestion; there’s not much you can do to hurry it along. It will take time and patience and the only thing you can really do is trying to get through it. But don’t get desperate, like storms, eventually all of this pain and grief will pass. Sometimes no matter how much you care about someone, how hard you try, you will never be good enough for one person whom you always wanted to give everything of yours. At some point in time, maybe you will find someone (or not) who will like you without you even trying that hard. Remember, these are the people who are worth holding on.

From : 
https://iamlostinjapan.wordpress.com/2018/09/25/break-ups-anatomy-survival-guide/